Thanksgiving menu: Snarky with a side of sarcasm

In the spirit of the impending holiday and all my Facebook friends who have been sharing something for which they are thankful every day in November, I thought I would share with you what I am most thankful for. (Besides the obvious family, friends, God, health, bunny rabbits, blah blah blah.)

Today I am thankful for a working dishwasher. Oh, wait. My dishwasher broke yesterday. Today I am thankful for all the food that left me with a dishwasher full of dirty dishes (because of course you realize your dishwasher is broken when it is full and not running), all of which I washed by hand yesterday with hot running water and my two fully functioning hands. I am thankful for my strong back that allowed me to stand at the sink for 45 minutes washing all my dirty dishes with hot running water.

Oh, wait. Scratch that last part. My back is KILLING me after washing all of those dishes. With hot running water. And two functioning hands.

So today I am thankful for...

Um.

Oh, screw it.

Happy Turkey Day, y'all.

The Other List

I’ve made my to-do list. Now it’s time for the Gimme List.

But let me be totally upfront here. The manic gift giving of Christmas makes me crazy. Truly, I kinda hate it. I’ve complained about this many times. Buying useless junk for everyone around me – stuff that they neither want nor need – is so antithetical to what the Christmas season should be. In my opinion. The frantic shopping rush just puts me in a bad mood.

Having said that, I can’t escape the requests for a list of things that my family wants to give me. I wish I could. But they’re going to buy something, and they want to get me something that I’ll like, so I have to come up with a list.

Not that it does a whole lot of good. Last year, I made a list. They ignored the list, and all my unmet "expectations" left me really, really, really grouchy. Then I had a major self-induced guilt trip because I was acting so selfish. Then I went shopping. I just love the holidays.

So for whatever it’s worth, here is my list. If you insist on buying me something, please buy books. I am a book junkie. I’ve started a list of titles that look intriguing, and some that I checked out from the library this year and are so good that they need to be in my permanent collection and reread over and over again. And if you have any must-reads that I don't have on my list, please leave a comment and let me know!

Smart Boys: Talent, Manhood, and the Search for Meaning and Smart Girls: A New Psychology of Girls, Women, & Giftedness (Revised Edition) – I heard a speaker last week at our district’s GT parents group who was really good. He had a whole list of recommended reading, and these two titles jumped out at me.

Raisin Brains: Surviving My Smart Family – Another book for parents of GT kids, though this one looks more entertaining than educational. I could use a laugh or two.

Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith and Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith - I checked out both of these from the library last year after my aunt sent me Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, which I devoured. Then I bought Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith (yeah, she has quite a few “thoughts on faith,” doesn’t she?) at Half Price Books – so these two need to be on my shelf to round out my collection. Anne Lamott is one of my very favorite writers. I not only love her writing style, but I love her painful honesty, authenticity, humor, compassion for others, and passion for social justice. I knew I was going to like her when I flipped open one of her books (can’t remember which one) to a chapter entirely dedicated to how much she hates George W. Bush and how she was struggling and praying to work through her anger. What? A Christian who isn’t a Republican!?! Shocking. With Anne’s honest words, I found the freedom to break away from the Southern religious/political opinion that is all around me. Not that I’m opinionated or anything.

(I’m not at all making a political statement here. My point is that there are people in the world who love Jesus and don’t vote Republican or subscribe to the so-called “Christian worldview” that circulates around our churches. That’s all I’m saying. A handful of my friends believe like I do, but most don’t, and that’s OK. They still love me.)

Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality – I just turned this one back into the library. It’s been a bestseller for a while, and I can’t believe it took me so long to read it. One reviewer called Donald Miller “Anne Lamott with testosterone,” and I couldn’t agree more. He bursts the bubble on all of our religiosity and fundamentalist rule-following and speaks of a revolutionary kind of Christianity that can change the world – the same kind of revolutionary thinking contained within the heart of the Gospels. I loved this book.

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years and Searching for God Knows What – also by Donald Miller. Haven’t read these yet, but if they’re anything like Blue Like Jazz, I will eat them up with a serving spoon.

Same Kind of Different As Me – A narrative story co-written by a millionaire art dealer and a homeless man about their unlikely friendship and how it transformed both of them. Again, this is the heart-of-the-Gospel kind of Christ-following which compels me to love deeply and share generously. I checked it out from the library and just finished it, but I want to have it at home to reread and for my kids to eventually read.

And if I’m going to be totally honest, this is what I’d really love to find in my stocking. (Oh, wait. I don’t have a stocking. OK, just wrap it up and stick it under the tree.)
It’s less expensive and has more bells and whistles than last year, but I’m still not convinced the price won’t be even lower in the coming months. And there’s that small matter of building our dream house this year, so if it’s not under our tree, that will be just fine. Budgets and all that.

But it does look really, really cool. Especially for an unopinionated bookworm like myself.

Soccer, sunglasses and a little perspective

I'm over at Lives of Doctor's Wives telling a great story about a soccer game, sunglasses, and an encounter with a courageous mom...

A builder and a foreman walk into a bar...

Hee hee.

Hee hee ha ha ha ha.

HA! WHOA-HAHAHAHA!

HAAAAA! HAAAA! Ooooh my! HAHAHAHA!

This is hysterical. You're gonna love this. I can't catch my breath because I'm laughing so hard.

Our foreman? The one who is overseeing the clearing of our land and tearing down the shed and bringing in the waterline and the driveway? All of which needs to be done really soon so we can get started on the house? That one?

He quit.

HE QUIT!!!

(Seriously, in this economy, who quits a job?)

(Besides our Builder #1. And technically, he didn't quit. He just, you know, went bankrupt.)

If it weren't so funny, I would throw a record-setting hissy fit right about now. But instead, I'm just laughing.

It's so ridiculous.

Making my (black)list and checking it twice

I know this shouldn’t come as any surprise to anyone, but Target has had their Christmas decorations out for several weeks now, and Wal Mart is close behind. Our local light rock radio station normally starts playing 24 hours of Christmas music on November 1st, but this year they have mercifully decided to stream all the holiday music at their online station – at least for now. Gag me with a reindeer.

If you’ve been around me for the last couple of years, you know that the grand holiday season and I have not always been so simpatico. I do believe it was three years ago that the season had so overwhelmed and exhausted me that I purposefully dressed in head-to-toe black on Christmas Day, and all the decorations were packed away on December 26.

I learned my lesson that year, and we have taken very intentional steps to prevent a repeat performance. I make a detailed to-do list at the beginning of November and attempt to cross things off that list as soon as possible.

Let us not forget that this year, in addition to the holiday to-do list, we have the get-ready-to-sell-our-house list.

I am so determined not to wear black.

It’s gonna take some work.

Michael and I reviewed The Lists last week and decided that November would be the Month of Cleaning Out – so last weekend we tackled the boys’ closet (disaster) linen closet (couldn’t close the door without some serious shoulder) and the garage (could not walk through without risking a trip to Urgent Care). Check.

Next on The List was hiring someone to clean out the dryer vent. For the last, oh six months or so, the dryer was not doing its job.

Apparently, major appliances are not a friend of the Hunt family. At all.

We had it checked months ago, and the repairman said it was not the machine but the vent, but instead of simply calling someone to clean out the vent, we formed our own instant, short-term solution and disconnected the dryer from the wall, therefore bypassing the vent and letting all the hot, steamy air out into the utility room (along with an absurd amount of lint, which I have now learned is as much of a fire hazard as a clogged vent). We opened up the back door to (somewhat) direct the hot air to the garage while creating our own little homemade sauna. It worked for us. For six procrastinating months. Or so. I lost count.

But I’m almost certain that anyone wanting to buy a house would prefer a dryer vent that is, you know, functional.

So I went to my good friend, Google, and searched for someone who could skillfully and magically open up the gates and redirect all the hot air outside instead of into my utility room. I found this site on the list, and not knowing what else to do, clicked away. I filled out a short survey of what kind of job I needed done. I typed in my contact information. I clicked CONTINUE and read a message thanking me for using their website and assuring me I would be contacted by a qualified contractor.

I kid you not, my phone started ringing within two minutes.

It was kinda cool.

I set up a time with Vent Cleaner Guy to come the next week. Then I remembered that we have another little project on The List. We need a light in our under-the-stairs closet. I’m a little tired of having to use a flashlight to find my applesauce and juice boxes and paper plates.

So I went back to the Magic Website, filled out the survey, and waited for the phone to ring.

It did.

As I was talking to Electrician #1, my call-waiting beeped twice with other electricians vying for a job.

A girl could get used to this.

Dryer vent: check. Closet light: check.

Now to tackle The Christmas List.

Oh lordy.

We have a rough list of who we have to buy gifts for and what we’re planning to give them, and we have another list of honored friends and neighbors who will receive an assortment of baked goods.

I think that list is probably a little ambitious, but I was in a good mood when I made it, and I’m hoping that if I start baking next week, I might actually have enough for everyone.

(Don’t worry. The baked goods will be stored in the freezer, not growing mold on my kitchen counter. Actually, if they stayed on the kitchen counter, they wouldn’t have a chance in the frozen tundra of Australia to grow mold because my three little elves would devour them all, little by little, until they were all gone. And perhaps the big elves would too. Hence, the freezer.)

Last weekend, I went through all my holiday cookbooks and made a list of recipes and THEN made a grocery list of all the ingredients I will need.

Impressed? (Don’t be. It’s still in the form of a list.)

If I seem a tad Type A, it’s because I have to be. Otherwise, I will be breaking out the black turtleneck and pants in 7 ½ short weeks.

Paper celebration

Two and a half years.
The papers have been signed.
The funds have been wired.
We've officially bought our land.
(For the third time.)
(Don't ask. I still don't understand how that happened.)

And we have the money to start construction.

It's time to par-tay!
(Or at least go out to dinner.)

You can't celebrate without brownies and ice cream:

My favorite Griffin in the whole world.
He makes my heart warm.

Chillin' with the grillin':
Next stop: the soil analysis (whatever that is). Still taking one step at a time. But today was a huge, ginormous step. There was a time I didn't think we would see this day - but here we are!

Pardon the pun, but this rocks!

God is faithful, even when we are faithless, because He cannot deny Himself. (2 Tim 2:13)

It's a good day!

Gooooo with the Flooooow

Life sure is bumpy, isn’t it?

It seems like every time I turn around, I’m bumping into something. I wish I could say that I’m not literally bumping into something – but that would be a lie. I have many inexplicable bruises. It’s become a joke. “Where’d you get that one?” “I don’t know.” I bump into so many random walls and countertops and doorways that I don’t even notice anymore.

But the bigger story here is all of those metaphorical bumps that jump out in front of you and shout DETOUR!!! I hate those.

Like yesterday. I was volunteering for Griffin’s teacher – ‘cause that’s what I do – and instead of making copies or cutting out pumpkins or reading to kids, she needed me to take down the hallway displays. All of them. Some of which I had created for her just three weeks ago. Why? Oh, you’ll love this. The fire marshal had come through and declared the entire school a fire hazard – at least according to the newest fire code approved by the city. (Oh, how I love those city codes!)

Now I may be a little biased, but our elementary school totally rocks. I cannot say too many good and glowing things about this school. I love it. You walk through the front doors and immediately know this is a fun place for kids to learn. The teachers are phenomenal, the staff is amazing – even the library is a fully-stocked, joyous place to fall in love with books. I have never walked into the school and not seen a handful of parents buzzing around volunteering. The hallways are colorful and creative – I can’t even describe to you how awesome the hallways are – created in large part by my artist friend, Brenda.

For example:


But sadly, now the fire code tells us we have to Go Flat. Nothing can be three-dimensional. Flat. On the wall. Nothing hanging from the ceilings either. Apparently, such things could catch on fire and drop on a small child. (Though, as Griffin’s teacher noted, she’s not planning on staying in a burning building long enough for anything to drop on anyone.) And no more fabric bulletin boards. No more reading lofts. All in the name of fire safety.

So no one is happy about all the new rules, but what can we do? Rules are rules. This is the deck we’re dealt, so we just have to find a way to make it work. While I was pulling down puffy cornstalks and pumpkins, Brenda was already adding glitter to our newly Flat hallways. You do what you can. I’m not worried. Our parents and our teachers are incredibly creative. Brenda is awesome. We’ll make it work. You take what you have, and you move forward. You can be mad, and you can grumble and whine, but in the end, you’re still left holding the same deck of cards. So you make it work.

The day before, I had conferences with Meghan’s teachers about her progress for the first 9 weeks of school. Or, I should say, her standing-still-because-she-already-knows-it-all. She needs a little challenge, and while it’s frustrating that it’s taken nine weeks for her teachers to realize that, it’s where we are now. So we discussed projects she can do and challenges she can undertake to make her educational experience a little more enjoyable. I have a feeling it’s going to be an ongoing conversation throughout the year, and I’m going to have to dust off my advocate hat a little more often than I’ve had to in the past. Meghan is going to have to learn to put on her own advocate hat and respectfully speak up for herself and what she needs – and that’s hard to do when you’re 10. But that’s where we are, and this is what we have to work with.

In the meantime, Meghan is having a really hard time forgiving her 5th grade teachers, Mrs. M and Mrs. W, for not being Mrs. H, her 4th grade teacher. Mrs. H is one of those once-in-a-lifetime teachers. She is a great teacher, and Meghan doesn’t just love her, she looooooves her. Mrs. M and Mrs. W are not Mrs. H. Not even close. And they’re not bad teachers – they’re just different. And Meghan is angry with them for that. Every day I hear, “But Mrs. H did this…” and “In Mrs. H’s class…” She can’t get past it – to her own detriment. I’m trying to formulate some kind of wise saying about walking forward while looking behind you and not only missing the beautiful sunrise, but then running into a tree and getting a concussion.

So we’re talking a lot about moving on and making the best of what you have been given, even if it’s not what you would like to have in your hands.

Like our house. The closing date keeps getting pushed back, and I’m told this is the year of El Nino – which, for Texas, means wet. Very, very wet. Which isn’t good when you’re trying to pour a foundation. But there’s not a lot we can do – ok, nothing we can do – to control the weather, so we are resigned to wait. And wait. And that’s ok.

One more example, then I promise I’ll wrap this up. Meghan has been going to physical therapy for her back pain. Her orthopedist prescribed 2 times a week for 6 weeks. We found out earlier this week that our insurance company has only approved coverage for FIVE office visits. This is the hand we’ve been dealt. This is what we have to work with.

Actually, no.

That is just seven different kinds of WRONG, and I refuse to keep these cards in my infuriated hands. We could jump through a couple of hoops and submit an appeal and request coverage for additional treatment. Or we could kick the insurance company’s a** and pay for the treatment out-of-pocket (which is ironically less than the contracted insurance rate) and still submit our receipts for reimbursement through our HSA. I’d prefer not to give a stinkin’ red dime of payment to the insurance company because we’re not going to meet our obscenely high deductible by the end of the year anyway.

Evil, thy name is Humana.

So sometimes you have to work with what you’re given and make the best of it. And sometimes you fight back. I prefer the assess-and-adjust method that has become all too familiar, but I’m not opposed to standing up and refusing to back down. I guess you have to pick your battles according to which ones you can actually win.

And if all else fails, just add glitter.